Woosh 7: Woosh's son's view of Woosh (aged 90)

And then I came across Woosh Wayne’s son last year when I was in Europe.

This was at an airport where I had just the latest edition of TIME magazine which one can rely on to objectively report on the major issues of the day.

The real problem that issue reported on was that people are living longer than before!

Somehow there was now a real social conflict: we desire people to live long, we make it desirable in the way that products are marketed, and we even make laws that make it illegal to commit suicide via nicotine; but when they live long this is a problem of proportions that not only become front page on TIME magazine and even a plat form for the political parties that are voted into power?

So there I was sprawled on the seats at the Luxemburg airport perusing TIME and saw across the seat a young Woosh Wayne.

In essence what the article said was that the Baby Boom Generation of the 1940-50’is now about 60-70 years old in 2010. Instead of dying as nature intended they are now living to the age of 70, or 80, or 90.

Now there is a very real problem for societies like USA, England and Germany:
Too many people were created in the post war years,
And, they are not dying as they should.

I thought this was a very insightful lead story for TIME magazine.

I am a naturalist and believe in divine evolution. All species create more children in the next generation – more than the current generation. It is always two of the species that mate several times and create more than two off-springs in their lives. This is the divine purpose of evolution.

This way there are always more young people to till the lands and milk the cows so that they can care for the old and senile (retired). There will always be more cows to milk because they reproduce more than what they are every new generation. There will be enough corn to harvest because each produce and fertilise more than what they are in their generation. And there will be more bees to pollinate the wheat.

When the cows become too many they will either be eaten, or simply chased out of the kraal so that the lions can eat them. And as more cows are retired from the kraal there will be more lions in the next generation to care of all the surplus cows. Divine Evolution.

As Darwin explained: Everybody has the right to die! Even the weakest of the species.

Young Woosh Wayne (or Woosh Wayne the Younger) whom we shall refer to as Woosh Wayne the IIIrd opposite me noticed me reading the article and said as a conversation opener: “Well fuck all the old people in any case!”

I asked him whether he is any relation to Woosh Wayne, and he told me that it is his father. (“The Old Sod” he added, except he used a word much worse to describe the ‘old sod’.)

So I asked Woosh IIIrd what has happened to Woosh, my friend.

He told me (in his own words) that the old man is now about 90. He still jogs every morning, but has to use his zimmerframe to get around the block in about 40 minutes and as he does this he is incontinent.

I was not sure what he meant so I asked for an explanation and he explained that when one is incontinent using a zimmerframe to ‘jog’ around the block one leaves a stream of defication on the pavement.

What makes this even more embarrassing, Woosh IIIrd explained, is that the old fart (his dad) is the Honorary Lifelong Chairperson of the ‘Pick up the Dog Turds in New York’ Society.

I asked Woosh III whether he did not agree with me that it is truly a great achievement to be so old and still be able to jog, and whether he did not agree that Woosh had achieved a lot in his life.

Woosh III said: “Yes, he has achieved a lot in his life, but now he is simply a burden on his children.”

So I said to Woosh III: “Let’s not talk about Woosh, but let’s talk about you”. This was obviously a good move changing the topic to something that Woosh III loved.

“O, I am my father’s son, I am what he wanted me to be, he would be so proud of me if he was not dying of dementia.

“I jog 60 miles every week, I do not sully my lips with cigarettes, I drink sparkling mineral water from natural resources, I eat no fat, and alcohol is an abomination. I am the pinnacle of health. In fact, I can truly say that I do nothing that gives me painless pleasure.”

So I asked him the obvious question: “Why?”

Well, to the members of the Anal-ist society this might not be an obvious question. But, since I was not a member but merely interested in what had happened to Woosh Waynes philosophies I asked the un-askable question: Why.

Woosh III had the answer: “So that I can have a healthy long life!!”

When I said: “You mean that you can, when you are 90, jog around the blog using a Zimmerframe and leaving a stream of shit behind you?”

Woosh III gave me a very succinct answer: “You don’t understand!!!”.

I understood this to mean: Fuck Off.