To read part 1, where Bruce Lee killed Chuck Norris for kicking John Wayne in the balls, click on archive. Now read further:
Since we all know that Chuck Norris cannot be killed he shrugged at Bruce Lee and muttered something about ‘stupid gook’ and told Woosh #2 that it was all an accident. (He then explained that what he meant was: he, Chuck Norris, kicking John Wayne in the stomach was the accident, not Bruce Lee killing him, Chuck, because that was not an accident but because, he, Bruce Lee, is a stupid gook.)
‘Nhh’ Arnold added to show that he understood. To understand this in joke you need to read part 1.
Van Damme, the muscles from Brussels, probably the cleverest of the actors since he even has muscles for brains, said: “Hey guys, we have real wooshes here, with a real problem. Maybe we can help them in real life”.
‘Nhh’ Said Arnold ‘I hate wooshes’.
Van Damme asked woosh #2 what he sees as being the problem. To which the answer was “Everybody looks down on us!! Just look around the bar. Everybody drinks beer and we have drink shandies so it looks like we drink beer! We even have to sit with drinking straws in our hands so people think we smoke.”
‘Nhhh’ Said Arnold. “So we get to kill all the people in the bar?”
Chuck, always reasonable, modified the idea “It is illegal to kill them. But, we can kick them all in the balls!. John, you start with the big guys on the left, they look like bikers. I will take the fancy ones with the leathers over here. They are small enough to be gooks.”
So Bruce Lee expertly killed Chuck again saying “No-one uses the g-word in my company”.
And Arnold said “No-one calls me a swartsenegger.”
Van Damme (as Jean-Claude van Damme is affectionately known by his fans) wisely said “Lets talk about this.”
The wooshes and the movie stars gathered around one table as Woosh #1 explained “We do not get the sexy blondes at school, only the ones with no tits and lots of brains who want to remain virgins until some-one marries them. Since no-one wants to marry us we are the last left and then they resentfully gives us a look in. They then resent us and we end up washing dishes and baby sit.”
“At school we end up head-boys because all the other kids want someone in that job that they can beat up for reporting them when they smoke in the toilets.” He continues.
“Worst of all we never get on the track team, this is where one gets the big-titted blonds, because all the events require one to run fast. Even the long-distance events still expect you to be the fastest over the distance”.
‘Nhh’ said Arnold.
Chuck Norris felt he needed to contribute something because it has been a long time since anyone gave him any attention, the last time was when Bruce Lee killed him the second time. So he contributed “I always say ‘If you can’t beat them, join them.’”
What he probably meant was that since he can beat everybody he never needs to join anybody.
Woosh #3 became very excited “That’s it! That’s the answer! You guys must join us!”
‘Fuck that for a lark’ said Arnold, revealing his Austrian culture.
‘Who do I defend then? In the movies, I mean’ said John Wayne.
‘I will kill you if you suggest this again’ Said Bruce Lee, and killed Chuck Norris again because he thought this is what Chuck suggested.
Van Damme just flexed a few muscles to show what he thought of the idea.
The movie stars realizing that people might think they are joining the wooshes because they were sitting at the wooshes table quickly found themselves a table as far away from the woosh table as they could find.
Woosh #2 shouted across the bar at Chuck “Thank you! You are my friend for life!”
Chuck murmured at Bruce Lee: “Please Kill Me”.
Woosh Wayne, who believes he was Woosh #1, then led the group as they worked out their 10 point strategy:
If you can’t beat them, which obviously the wooshes had no chance of doing, then make them join the wooshes! This is rule number one and forms the whole basis of the plan. Never to be ignored.
Invent a track and field game that does not rely on skill, strength or stamina. IF it also does not rely on co-ordination then so much better. Make sure that time is not part of the rules. In fact make sure that winning is not even mentioned. Just suggest that ‘it is all about participating’.
Jogging is the ideal candidate since it meets all these requirements.
Since wooshes never smoke – at least those at the first meeting sucking their drinking straws did not – make it a pre-requisite that to join one must stop smoking.
Obviously there has to be a real incentive for joining. Use the one thing that people has always wanted. Eternal Life?
After smoking the next step is to go for beer. The ultimate would be beer that does not taste like beer.
Recognise that all great religions survived by abstinence. So we need to make people sacrifice something – what about tasty food. Promote ‘lite’.
Since our wives despise us and use us for housework lets sanctify the term ‘houseman’.
I know there are only 8 points in this 10 point strategy, but Woosh Wayne could not remember the rest.
End Part 2.
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